checkpoint #2:Those of the first steps

Nothing much happen in my life lately,unless if i count the thing that should be done long ago,but i was so weakthen.Not that i am stronger now,but maybe i am weaker..haha..merepek…anyway,i let go of things,of dream,of hope that i know,i would never have achieved..at first i felt empty,but as days go on..aku sedang belajar akan luasnya  rahmat Allah…dia bukan hantar sorang jer angel untuk aku..beribu-ribu kot..so takyah la aku dok tunggu yg sorang tu ajer kan..hehe..marah2 aku..taring2 aku..selama nih..akhirnya kurang sedikit demi sedikit..bunyik sgt keceper..tapi tader kene mengene pon..

Aku maseh belum kater aku kembali percaya kepada apa yang aku percaya dulu..aku maseh teringat,perjalanan aku mlm2 sorang2 dulu(sambil membuat sesuatu yg tak best untuk diketahui umum..paham2 ajelah org tensen wat aper kalo jln mlm2)..aku memang mcm nak jerit2.."nak aper lagi..nak aper lagi!" sambil dongak pandang langit..[uihh..terus aku terbayang ader org nnt kater "ehhhh..tak baik ckp mcm tuh..tak bersyukur namanya tuh"…hehe…jawapan aku dulu dan sekarang…"pergi la mati dgn self righteousness ko tuh"…there are some things you couldnt understand unless you experienced it yourself..don’t judge others with your untested personal yardstick]

Entahlah..i think,the longer i live the less things i have/seem to be able to say to people,when they come to me with their stories..i really don’t know life at all..all i can do now is..your pain is too much for one person..let me share it..or just let me know how you’re hurt so that i can feel it too,you wouldn’t have to be so alone in that.i seriously don’t want to cure you.That’s His job,not mine.All i can do is those words i uttered in silence.

Anyway,I am ok now.not whole but just fine.There are some hurts that goes too deep that even time couldnt have it mend.But maybe its too early to tell.

In accepting life as it is,the first steps is to get angry,really2 angry when some
things happened and it touches the very core of your believe in God in Allah.Untill then,don’t go around ditching ‘wise words’.."oh..i accept life as it is"

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