I am happy this past few days..and i cant tell whether it is becouse i have so many things to do,it kept my mind of some other things..i did my presentation yesterday..such a relief..i finished the book by Dina Zaman i mentioned in my previous entry..i took my Vit C pills..there’s one thing that ive been putting off ever since last month…i need to find my faith again in life..i don feel right that i am happy..seriously…is this happy..or is this just a calming state,before its all started to crumble again…before my emotional health takes it plunged into the deepest..even deeper..its a lie if i said i’ve never been happy…but i’ve been really sad and miserable for quite a while…i dun really know the limit of a healthy happy-happy feeling..

Ironically,i figure,with the help of Dna Zaman in her articles..i suddenly find myself "ohh..ya loh…"

I started to be unhappy and miserable,when i put a goal..a serious one..that is..all i want to do and all i want to be is just that…just happy..i dun need to be the gold medalist,i dun need to get that HD,i dun need that Tan Sri,i dun need that big house big cars,i dun need all those to be happy..i just need myself,and my state of mind and i’d do things that makes me happy..not only here,now..but eternal happiness (heaven)..

And then,those series of unhappiness comes about..wave after wave after wave…i’m weakened by the unhappiness…until i lost my way of defining what makes me happy actually..what kind of happiness that i want..i’m who once so sure of what i want to do,when,how and all,fell into the shadow..i’m being unsure…and this is where i am now..i am as confuse,unsure,unhappy and lost as i have never been.

Dina wrote

" as you want to get closer to Him,He will reveal more hipocrisy"

"the more sad you’ll become.."

and i don’t really agree with the second one..but i think the first one sounds right..but i dont really know..i’m confuse kan..haha..


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