Tadi Kak Mitra bagi tunujukkan aku satu doa yang sgt apliklebel(vocab form kak shahnaz) dgn situasi yg aku sedang hadapi..
But something happen recently yang membuatkan aku raser its better for me to just be miserable as i always been..Something thats really shake me..its quite subtle from other ppl’s point of view,but for me it carries a huge impact..since i’m trying very hard to recover,n actually started to feel that my smile and laugh not quite as phoney as it once were for some times..yet,its not good enough,"let Us put another test on you Marlina..see how you get out of it this time..hmm..let see..what else will make you damn miserable other than the things that still making you miserable right now..let US increase the dosage of the miserable drips you get everyday,shall we..because We sense that you are very strong,so We can’t be really settled until you died..let just put another one..if you can tolerate and still live we will constantly increase the dosage.Sorry..life’s like that.It sucks.too bad"
everytime i tried to rise above,adopt a different,better,positive view of life,there would always be something that will try to get me back to where i was again..that is being miserable..the harder i tried,the more urging become the force that suck me in back again intio the hell hole..
i casually said to kak mitra,that i’m not ready yet to start again,i still can’t let it go..i’ve been damaged good this time..this test..this one..i want to stay here,not moving…enjoying my time in this sweet misery specially destined for me..
when i’m ready,i will..try..yet again..until i repair the damage..until then..
p/s:siler bacer bebrapa entry lepas about my prediction that something bad will happen whenever i start to feel happy about life..it does happens..so hehe..too bad la kan..