No physical symptom

Entahlah,
semalam i went to class.when i was marking my attendance,there’s three consecutively blank box stared at me.i’ve been skipping class alot..much much more than previous semester.was thinking to apply for special consideration.but just the thought of it, sound silly
"Sir,is it possible to get special consideration becouse i was depressed?"
lagilah bunyik cam bongoks giler..haha..
God know how much i’ve been going through.Kalo dulu,biler aku tader mood,sumer org tau aku tader mood..SUMER ORG TAU..sekarang,lain plak perangai aku..

haha..tapi lama-lama aku fikir,this is my prob,mine and mine only..aku tetap kene tunaikan hak derang keatas keceriaan aku..sometimes being happy for others(no matter how sad you are inside) makes you happy too…but some other times makes you even more sad than before becouse of the mask you have to wear..SO BERAT…

entahlah,kekadang cam,tak tau caner nak bagitau org yg kita nak dier paham,kiter nih bukan sehappy yg kiter sedang tunjuk..tapi kita tanak plak jadik lebeh tak happy supaya org tau kita tak happy..kalolah depression nih bleh kuarkan symptom yg lebeh fizikal,seperti hilang satu jari ker,tetiber patah kaki ker,barulah org nak paham yg kiter sedang depressed..huhuhu..

kalo dulu ader jugak thoughts utk tinggalkan jer dunia nih..smoking(dah pon buat,dulu)..mcm2 bender lagila..but when you remember how much you’re hurting those who love you when you hurt yourself..you remember the teary pleading words  "please..please,stop.Why,how,you come to this.fine,u kater dah tak sayang diri,but please,i dun want you to be like this"….

u cam terkedu sekejap..and "ok,ok..i stop".."not becouse i am ok,but becouse i dun want you to be sad,i dun want you to feel guilty of what i’m doing"…

"Marlina,remember how much you think life is so unfair for you.why everything has to happened to you.Just remember,Allah sayang ko.kalo ko tak leh nak relate bender tu sekarang,sbb ko kater you dah tak rational,ingatla aku sayang ko." another friend said this..yg buatkan aku tergelak..sekarang,kawan tu pun entah kemana..entahlah maybe sbb saket aku nih tak sembuh2,dier pun jadik discourage..i dun know..atau aku tend to push ppl away when they start to get my door to open..i dun know..with my sarcasm,jokes,or plain cruel words.

entahlah..sekarang aku tak belh nak kata lagi aku nih dah stop feeling depressed ke tak…haha..tak brani nak kater,yay! aku dah ok..sbb nnt,few days after saying those thing,even to myself,ader jer bender lain yang happen yg bawak aku balek kedaerah yg tak best tuh…so aku betul2 tak brani..haha..

tapi one thing i want to tell the friend of mine yg hilang entah kemana..

"i dun feel your love anymore.sometimes,there are things that cant be cured even by the best doctors.i hope you never have a thought in your mind,you want to cure me.coz i just want you to be there,becouse i know nobody can cure me.i want you to be there,to hold my hand.to ease the pain.you’re no God and i am no angel.tunaikan hak keatas kata-kata mu.if you can’t,don’t go saying things that makes people believe and hope.i have ask you, some very heavy questions,and i’m asking you again.(i never give any song to anybody without i really meant it.)

Snow
Patrol Chasing Cars Lyrics

We’ll
do it all

Everything

On
our own

 

We
don’t need

Anything

Or
anyone

 

If
I lay here

If
I just lay here

Would
you lie with me and just forget the world

 

I
don’t quite know

How
to say

How
I feel

 

Those
three words,

are
said too much

they’re
not enough

If
I lay here

If
I just lay here

Would
you lie with me and just forget the world?

 

Forget
what we’re told

Before
we get too old

Show
me a garden that’s bursting into life

 

Let’s
waste time

Chasing
cars

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